Two months today

Driving to work this morning, I saw a man walking a Chihuahua. Knowing now that the biggest portion of Clover's DNA was Chihuahua I take special notice of these dogs. He was a cute little guy, cream colored like Clove, but that's where the similarities stopped. As I drove by I thought "My little Chihuahua". And then I was bitch slapped. I started crying my eyes out. My little chihuahua that I would never get to tease for being a chihuahua. I would never in my wildest dreams picked out a little Taco Bell dog to be mine. And yet, she was mine and today I miss her more than anything. I did well for most of the day after this, but when I was cooking Bella dinner tonight I thought "I really miss you tonight Clover." And then I just started crying again. I figured I would come here to write because that seems to help me and as I started to write the blog, I saw today is October 1. Two months ago today, my Clover left me. Two months ago today my world was shattered. And I'm so mad she's not here. She should be here. I think matters were made worse for me today when I called the vet's office for a rash that Bella has. They can't get Bella in for a "couple of days". Seriously? When I first thought Clover wasn't herself, but wasn't in need of emergent care I called to schedule an appointment for her. They told me they were scheduling a month out. Yep, you read that right. A MONTH out. They said I could be put on a waiting list for a sick call, so I put her on it. That weekend was when she ended up in the hospital for the first time. I get COVID has everyone in a dither, but really? I can't get my dog in for a rash? "Send us a picture" they told me". So I did. At 11:32 a.m. I haven't gotten a response back. What am I supposed to do if Bella is sick? Take her to the emergency room for a rash? I will do whatever I need to to help her, but that means I'll be spending about 400 dollars to get her rash checked when all I probably need is some Benedryl. It's time for a new vet's office. I know I'm emotional right now, so I won't really keep writing about this, but it's just wrong you can't get your dog basic care....it's just wrong.

And it's wrong my Clover isn't sitting on the right side of me on the couch where she always would sit. She should be here instigating Bella by growling at the wind which would set Bella off barking at nothing. It would drive me crazy but I would do ANYTHING to hear all that noise again.

In the scheme of things, two months can fly in the blink of an eye. But today, 2 months seems like an eternity I've been without my dog and I want my dog back. I want my dog back this instant....but that's not happening. So today is just going to be one of those really difficult days that my heart aches and there's nothing I can do but go through it until it's tomorrow when seeing a little Chihuahua on a walk won't be so painful.