From one CHF pet parent to another, I promise, you aren't alone

As I read many of the new posts in my CHF/Heart Disease support group on Facebook, I felt compelled to write letter as the parent of a CHF pup. She may not be here with me anymore, but I will always be a fur parent of a CHF pup because she lived it and I lived it with her. One thing I know for sure, if you can live through caring for your dog with CHF, you can live through any condition with them. And if you live through it to the very end and do all you can, then you are a pet parent I know loves your dog more than anything. The amount of dedication, time, and yes even money caring for a dog with CHF is extraordinary, but nowhere near as extraordinary as the beloved dog themself.
If you are reading this blog hello to all you incredible fur parents. Thank you for coming to visit my blog. My hope is to bring an iota of comfort to others so no one will ever feel alone in their thoughts and feelings when it comes to caring for and losing a dog with a chronic and progressive illness. Losing a dog (or any pet) has been the most painful thing I've endured in my life. I lost a dog to being hit by a car at 15 months, one to kidney disease at 4, one to Alzheimers at 15 and my precious girl Clover at 9 to CHF. By far Clover's illness and death were the worst.
CHF (Congestive Heart Failure), MVD (Mitral Valve Disease) and any kind of heart disease is evil and when you find out your dog has one of these conditions it can bring you to your knees. When I first learned that Clover had an enlarged heart when she was 5 years old, my heart was broken. At that time, she was only diagnosed with a grade 2 heart murmur and some thickening around her heart valve so she wasn't in trouble, I was just being made aware and educated. I was told what warning signs to watch for and not to worry yet as some dogs "live with this condition for years without any symptoms" and they "go on to die from something completely different". Not worry? Not worry. Right. Okay. You might as well tell me not to breathe. I worry. All the time when it comes to my pups. Oh who am I kidding....I worry all the time, but usually much worse when it comes to my dogs. I think part of that comes from losing so many dogs unexpectedly. Anyway, I ramble.
Every night, after getting the news about Clover's heart defect (it was congenital they said, not related to her diet), I would stay up and watch her breathe wondering if she was in trouble and I just didn't know it. My eyes were riveted to her respirations and how fast her chest was rising and falling and I would put my hand on her chest to feel her heartbeat to make sure it wasn't working too hard, and this was years before she was symptomatic! Eventually I was able to calm down and settle into life with Clover with this as a fact in the back of my head. Fast forward three years later I noticed Clover was coughing, one of the warning signs of which I was informed. I took her to the vet. Diagnosis, kennel cough and antibiotics for treatment. No change. Follow up appointment "humdinger of a heart murmur". The vet never said that before. Another red flag. Follow up with an echo, Clover's heart disease had advanced to a Grade 4 heart murmur with significant enlargement of her heart. No CHF yet, but needed to start medication right away. I wasn't ready for that diagnosis. I always knew it could come, but I wasn't ready. I crumbled. I cried, for two weeks as a matter of fact. I told my best friend I didn't think I would ever be the same. I was an emotional wreck. As a pet parent, when we get bad news it takes us some time to settle down. If your dog has just been diagnosed, it's okay that you're freaking out. It's okay you're crying. It will be like that at first, but after a bit, it settles in and you kick into gear and do what you need to for your pup. For me, once the information settled in my head I said to myself that I "needed to pull myself together" and "stick with the facts". I believe in staying in the moment and teaching myself to do that with Clover was very hard. What did I know right now, in this moment in time? She's a B2 dog with moderate to severe heart disease, but is not in distress or CHF yet. I pulled myself together and promised myself I would live each day loving her and playing with her and giving her all she ever wanted. That would definitely be better for her (both of my dogs actually) and it wasn't be productive being a mess.
In the meantime I joined a support group on Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/groups/CHFPuppers
It was probably one of the best decisions I made at the time. I joined to get support and ideas. For the first month or so being in the group was so difficult. I got so scared reading what was to come....what people were facing and I would cry at almost every post. A couple of times I had to put the group on snooze for 30 days because I was so overwhelmed and so afraid of the unknown when. Eventually, little by little I began reading the posts again. I started commenting more and listening more. Then it dawned on me....I would eventually be in the place many of the others were currently and I would be the one posting. But more than that this group would be holding on to each other at a time where most everyone in our life doesn't get it, and at a time where we just need to know what we are feeling is natural and talking to others who have been there or are there now is incredibly helpful and comforting. To not be afraid to say I don't think I can, or to have some relief when the dog is no longer suffering but your grief is still insurmountable. I have lost a dog before, so I know that awful grief. But he died from Dementia. It's very different than this. He never suffered, he just didn't know anymore. This, you know could be really difficult if the disease progresses. And that's the scariest thing of all. I would however rather know that something is going on then to have my dog suddenly very ill and pass away. Anyway, I found this group to be an amazing group of people. They (if you're reading this from the group then YOU ) are all so very strong to be going through this, loving their dog through this, and paying what needs to be paid. So many people would have given up their dog or given them away in their time of need. But this group was/is loving their dog every step of the way. And that is completely awe inspiring. I was then thankful to all who had gone on before me in this journey to help guide me, thankful all who are going through this and say the things someone may be afraid to say. I was thankful (and to this day remain thankful) to you all the group members for the love and compassion shown, and I was thankful that I didn't have to walk this journey with Clover alone.
When I was afraid, I went to this group. When I was sad, I went to this group. When I got good news, I went to this group, and when Clover passed it was one of the first places I went for consolation. She's been gone almost a year now and I still go to this group on bad days. I have remained a member for the support to others as well as to stay connected to a community of humans I'll most likely never meet, but are a family to me in a big way.

If you have a dog who has been diagnosed with heart disease (or really any serious illness) first, breath and stay in the moment. Stay with only the facts, not the what ifs or possibilities. DON'T Dr. Google. It will ruin you and it will prevent you from staying in the moment with what you know. Don't put a time stamp on your fur baby, even if the vet does. Live each day with them loving and cherishing them. Take pictures, videos and play with them if they can still play. Lastly, find a group to help support you through it. People who have ideas and successes in helping their dogs with heart disease. It will be invaluable to you and they will understand like no one else in your life. If you are already part of a group, know they will be there, like they were for me, as I will be there for you during your journey with your pup. You aren't alone and you won't be alone in your grief. I can definitely promise you that....as one fur parent who lived, and survived this nightmare, to all the others who were, are, and will be there.