Please don't make me go in there! Change, Confrontation, and Challenge
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I was driving to work today and I saw a little one being brought up to the door of her school/daycare. She was gleefully holding the hand of who I presumed to be her grandmother, walking triumphantly up the walkway to the door. To the little one's surprise a woman, one of the teachers, opened the door. The little one stopped in her tracks. The teacher took a step forward and the little one was like "Oh no, no way". She grabbed on to her grandmother's leg with both arms, clinging with all her might. I could see the teacher trying to talk to her but as she approached closer, the little girl, still clinging with all her might, then swirled around to behind her grandmother. As my light turned green I saw her grandmother hand the teacher her pink backpack all the while the little one still clinging. That was the last I could see as I drove around the bend. I'm glad I couldn't hear her because even though I know she's safe, something about a child pleading is so heartbreaking to me because THEY don't know they're safe. I think that may stem from when I was 7 1/2 years old and I was having my tonsils out. A nurse came into the room to take me for a walk as I watched four nurses go into my room where a little boy was who also was having surgery was waiting unsuspectingly. I remember him crying and calling out as they gave him a shot. How my heart, even at 7, broke into pieces.
At any rate, this image of the little girl clinging to her grandmother's leg got me to thinking about how we respond to change, confrontation and challenge. I don't know about you guys, but when a change is coming and I don't want it to, I hold on to the "my grandmother's leg" as tight as can be. I can see myself squeezing my eyes shut until I see stars from holding them so tightly closed all the while I am crying saying "I don't want go in there, you can't make me".
The teacher to me represents confrontation. The big bad stranger comes to the door with a deceivingly warm and happy smile, but then tries to take you from your grandmother. I imagine that child was telling the teacher "NO" (Please note, this is NOT a knock on teachers. I had lots of teachers I love and I give kudos to the underpaid, underacknowledged, and unsung heroes called teachers in todays crazy world).
Confrontation is so hard for people. I can do it, but it doesn't mean it's not super hard. As a person approaches, you have to muster the strength, your voice, and all the confidence you have (and if you have none in the moment, then call on your acting skills) and address the person in respectful way, and one that has your best interest at heart. A way that clearly states your boundaries and your intentions. The most difficult part is trying to do this without putting a person on the defensive. That's such a fine line. It's really hard not to use "You" statements in that moment (i.e. you make me feel) vs. I statements (i.e."I can't understand, can you help me"). We can so easily fall into those habits and if we ever want to be able to stand up for ourselves, we have to learn how to confront when something is truly wrong for us.
The last part of all this, is that this situation reminded me of facing a challenge. While I had to drive away, I suspect the child ended up going inside with the teacher. Whether or not her grandmother was with her I'll never know.
When faced with a challenge, we sometimes stand at the door and just stare. Can I do this? Do I really WANT to do this? What if I do this and fail. What ifs. One of the most dangerous question to people and their hopes and dreams. What ifs are rabbit holes. Big ones. I learned recently that not only are rabbit holes deep, they are hidden. Once you fall into one and you keep falling, it's harder to rescue oneself because you are not only in a hole, you're hidden. That makes it mighty tough to get out or to have someone else help us out. What ifs steal opportunities, rob you of joy, and can end up causing regrets. You will never know if you don't try and that I have, unfortunately, learned the hard way.
Facing a challenge takes immense courage, especially if you are one step away from sliding down a rabbit hole. Once we decide to take on that challenge, then determination is the key really. I pictured this little girl taking a deep breath and finding the courage to step over that threshold with the teacher and walk into school. I hope she's like many children of whom I have heard stories of crying and being so afraid of school and coming home and loving it. I will image that's how it was for her. And for us, when we take that challenge, the feeling of success is sometimes overwhelming. Whether you complete your challenge or have to start over either is a success. Starting the challenge means you found the courage once, you'll find it again. Starting over is not failure, it is the courage to move forward even when scared to death.
A little girl and her grandmother. A first day of school. A new smiling teacher, and walking through the doors. Meet the change, embrace it if you can, confront the newness in your life, and walk into that challenge. You can do it. I believe that little girl did and I hope she continues to for the rest of her life.