Committee Conversations

It's night time and you're laying on the couch watching TV doing the head bob tango.  Guess I better go to bed you mutter to yourself and you find the energy to get up, shut the TV off, and head up to bed.  You're so tired you just get into your pj's and flop onto the bed knowing as soon as you lay down it'll be lights out until the morning.  An 8 hour nap....such a good thing.

Your head it's the pillow and without further ado....BAM

"Um, Ms. Tinkham, the committee has convened.  They're ready to meet with you." 

No no.  Tell them I can't.  I'm tired and I need to go to sleep.  Who is the Committee?  They are the relentless group of people who step into your head as soon as you lay down in a quiet room to go to sleep.  I'm sure many of you are nodding your head as you have encountered your own committees late at night.

Committee Chairperson (Hey I'm equal opportunity) "First order of business..."Oh no, they have convened and you failed to stop them with sleep.  Everything in your day that you didn't do, everything you worry about, all the what if's....they're all on the agenda.  And all I wanted to do was go to sleep.  In fact, I should have just stayed on the couch but for some silly reason I thought I was so tired  not even Ritalin washed down with a cup of coffee could keep me awake a second longer.  Sleeping on the couch is way better than the committee convening though.

The committee begins to ramble at a pace so quick it would make The Tasmanian Devil look like he was standing still.   Sometimes they sound like just a hum in the background, while others are crystal clear. "You didn't lock the door before coming up to bed".  I know I locked the door, it was the last thing I did before I went upstairs right?  Did I?  I thought I did.  Well, I better check just in case.  You wander downstairs fumbling in the dark and check the door.  Locked.  I knew it was locked.....back to bed I go shaking my head.  Sleep. Tired. Night nights.  Sleep.  Tired.  Night nights.

Committee Chairperson "Did you pay the car payment?  You haven't set up auto pay yet so if you didn't pay the car payment you'll be past 30 days AND you'll probably not have enough funds to cover the payment which means you'll overdraft at which point you'll then accrue a late fee which you don't have the funds to cover because you just overdrafted".  I'm pretty sure I paid the car payment.  At least I think I did. Right?  Did I? So you grab your iPad and sign on to your account.  Paid.  Phew.  No overdraft today.  That never makes sense to me anyway.  You don't have enough money to cover a bill, so the bank pays it (which you have to pay back) and then charges you 35.00 (if you're lucky) to pay them for paying your bill but  you don't have the money to pay your bill as it is....*Sigh*

Okay crisis averted.  Sleep.  Tired.  Night nights.

Committee Chairperson:  "You left your laundry in the washer".  Yup, that I did indeed, but right now the agenda is sleep, tired, night nights so I'll do it tomorrow which really means I'll forget about it for a couple of days until I only have one pair of clean  underwear left.  Problem with forgetting about it, is when you finally go to get the laundry as you open the washer you are met with the most odiferous aroma of moldy laundry.  Not even Yankee Candle would make that scent.

Committee Chairperson"Let's review today's list of to do's which you to didn't".  The committee starts listing so many items that your to do's have to do's now.  You begin to scrutinize their list arranging the items from minor to major and before you know it you hear yourself say "That's it, I'm going to get fired".  Somehow though, you manage to ground yourself through each catastrophizing thought.  Still kind of tired at this point, you come up with a compensatory strategy to help you sleep.  I will meditate.

As you start to drift off to sleep and only hear the hum of the committee, you hear the wind outside your window.  

Committee Chairperson "Man, I hope that wind doesn't knock the tree in your backyard down and smash your house to pieces.  Maybe you should have someone check out that tree".  So you start to think about calling the tree guy, but before you call the tree guy, you really should spend the money on the brick stairs which need repair.  Really though that's the most minor of repairs.  Maybe I should take out a home equity loan to get all my repairs done.  I could do that.  But wait, what happens if I get fired?  If I get fired, I can't pay the loan back, or my mortgage and then I'll lose my house.   And If I lose my house I'll be homeless and then what?  I guess I won't have to worry about locking the door anymore.  

Each thought goes around and round.  At this point you're catastrophizing so bad a mosquito bite has become necrotizing fasciitis (Flesh eating disease if you're wondering). 

The blue hue of the television now illuminates your once dark room.  The background theme music to The Twilight Zone has broken the silence with silence.  Nothing shuts up the committee like the TV even if you aren't ever going to fall asleep again.